How to Maintain A Healthy Marriage After Your Baby is Here

The baby or babies are here and you and your partner are AMAZING at being parents, you love them and hold them. Frequently give them kisses, tell them how smart, beautiful or handsome they are and most of all how lucky you are to be theirs. The only problem is, the two of you aren’t saying these things to each other and can feel yourselves losing the identity that made you two, YOU.

 

How do you juggle being a parent and a partner? This is a question everyone has to face when they first change roles, but we all have gone through this and guess what? We were all right where you are now, looking for tips on how to keep your relationship relevant and dare I say…SPICY!

 

Lets get that spark back that made your relationship FIRE!

 

When you first find out you’re pregnant, you are flooded with every possible emotion there is. Once the dust settles, you are so excited for the baby (or babies) and are caught up in the preparation and eagerness for the arrival of your sweet bundle of joy, that you may not stop and think about us, the two of you that are responsible for creating this amazing little being. It is so incredibly important to also prepare your relationship for the major changes coming it’s way, what to expect and how to deal with the changes positively rather than negatively.

 

Ask yourselves questions to prepare such as:

• What are we going to do after we are parents to maintain a strong relationship?
• What makes our relationship strong right now?
• What is it that makes “US” so great as a couple?
• How will we handle the stresses together as new parents?

 

These questions will not only help to jump start you into thinking about what’s to come but also help you to communicate with your partner before the added stress of a baby comes.

Each of us will experience parenthood differently, with our own difficulties and stresses

 

Remember that how you feel doesn’t necessarily mean your partner will feel the same way.

It is important to not fall into the blame game and who has it worse game. No one is keeping score! It’s very easy to pick each other apart and say that one does more than the other because maybe an extra diaper was changed or feeding was done on your own, don’t do this! Take a step back and realize you are a TEAM, the A team in fact! When you keep this in mind, you will see your relationship become organic again.

 

You Now Have Dual Roles-Not Just a Parent

It is very easy to get lost in the role of being a parent and forget that you are also a Partner. You can fall into the pitfall that you are consumed with your new baby and your relationship with your partner falls to the background. Always, always remember you were a couple first and need to continue to do so.

 

How do you separate being a parent and a partner?

 

1. Start with something small

• Tell your partner 3 things you’re grateful for because of them everyday. This not only reminds them of what it is that makes them special but it also reminds you why they are so special! This is so incredibly important because it is easy to lose sight of these things as the stress and sleepless nights set in.

2. Take 20 Minutes a day

• Find that time whether it’s at the end of the day or the beginning in which it’s just the two of you. Spend it talking to one another. Doesn’t have to be anything specific, just use the time to connect everyday

 

3. DATE NIGHTS!

• These are critical! They not only give you time to relax with your partner away from the stresses of being a parent, but they let you just BE with your partner. This is your time with them, just them. This doesn’t have to be an extravagant affair. Maybe just dinner at your favorite spot, but hey, if you want to dress up in your favorite dress and them in their favorite suit by all means, get your romcom on!

 

• Katelyn and I are blessed in that her parents have offered to watch the beans once a week. Now we all know this probably won’t happen, so we have set aside one Friday a month in which we take the time to be a couple away from the girls. Be sure to find that day at least once a month that works for you too!

 

4. …Which Leads Us to, Intimacy

• As uncomfortable as it can be to talk about, sex is a good thing! Remember not only did it lead you to this new adventure of parenting, but it also allowed you to feel closer to your partner.
• A healthy sex life is paramount to maintaining your relationship
• As unsexy as it may sound, schedule time to be intimate with your partner-time has now become even more valuable as you have less of it! It wont be like before when spontaneity was the name of the game and that is ok!
• It’s ok to speak with your partner about when you can fit “boom boom” time in

 

5. Annnnnnnd Finally, We Now conclude with…

• Maintain your fortress of solitude, aka your bedroom
  • Katelyn and I believe it is so important to maintain the boundary of your bedroom. We call it our Zen Getaway. This should be a place with minimal, if any kid stuff in it-you need a space all your own as I am sure you have come to realize the rest of your house is subject to, how shall I put it, a not so hostile- hostile take over by all things baby.
  • Make your bedroom your own space that is a place that you and your partner utilize to reconnect.
• ROUTINES! ROUTINES! Oh and did I Say…ROUTINES!
  • You will quickly find that raising a baby is as close to organized chaos as it comes. I say this knowing that it doesn’t fall into plain old chaos because of routines.
  • Routines are not only good for your baby but are very good for your relationship.
  • When you have a set routine, you are more able to carve out that “us” time that you desperately need.
  • So maintain those routines ladies and gentlemen!

 

That’s it for this post guys! But, speaking of routines, if you feel like your life has become a constant revolving merry go round, check out our post on how to get your baby on a routine.

 

Trust us, this will help you get back on track, fast!

 

Did I mention, this helps within 5-7 days??! For your sanity and happiness, check it out!